Stefanie Haertel

Find some Paradise

It feels like Im the only one,
Nobody seems to care.
I love to hurt myself,
I love to feel the pain.
 
It feels like nobody is there,
No sign of interest or understanding in the air.
I know its bad for me,
But I love to hurt myself.
 
Cant really go on with my life,
Im standing in my way.
Sometimes it feels good to get punished
And I love to punish myself.
 
I want to stop this,
Start a happy life,
Soon I break down and cry.
Im a little child,
I think sometimes.
Not ready for the challenges and changes life brings
And which are inside.
 
This little baby is too afraid to live,
cause nightmares, imagines and scary figures are chasing her,
Follow her everywhere she goes.
She cant sleep, think of something else or be happy,
cause its all in her mind.
 
It weakens and blocks her,
It gets her paralysed.
Unable to react,
Shes tied up by it.
 
This little baby is too afraid to die,
cause she sees signs and warnings
And wanna live.
 
She wanna live her life,
Wants to know what to do with it.
She wanna live her life,
Not miss it.
She wanna live an exciting life,
Wanna be blessed and achieve.
 
She walked a long way,
A lot of tortures she survived.
She wanted to give herself up,
Wanted to jump on the one-way-train to heaven.
But she freed herself for a little while,
From all these things that
Hurt her, made her bleed and made her a lost soul.
 
She can look back on the long way she left behind
And proudly look at her scars.
They tell their own stories
And she often listens to what they have to say.
 
That keeps her alive.
They tell her she survived
And that she should go on and find some paradise.
 
Storm comes and goes,
Ruins your life,
If you dont have a strong centre.
It blows away your believes, your trust, your hope.
And suddenly you stand there all alone.
No hope,
Because you feel like there is nothing to believe in.
No strength,
Because you feel like there is nothing to hold on to.
No trust,
cause you feel so cheated.
 
Storm often ruins my life,
No mercy.
Leaves me broken, lost and alone with the pieces.
I often break down and cry in aftermath.
I often pray in chaos, but with feeling it doesnt make sense.
I want to believe that life is good, that Im blessed
n that Im special.
But its hard for me.
But maybe thats the only way to survive.
 
I want to find some paradise,
On earth,
Not yet in heaven.
 
Maybe its up to me to built it
 
 
 

 

All rights belong to its author. It was published on e-Stories.org by demand of Stefanie Haertel.
Published on e-Stories.org on 07/16/2005.

 

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Sehnsuchtsherz von Stefanie Haertel



Der Gedichtband "Sehnsuchtsherz" enthlt lyrische Werke in deutsch, englisch und franzsischer Sprache. Die einzelnen Gedichte handeln zumeist ber das wandelbare Wesen und die verschiedenen Gesichter der Liebe, aber auch ber den Sinn des Lebens auf stets bildhafte und phantasievolle Weise. Der Band wurde auf der Leipziger Buchmesse 2013 ausgestellt und ist Bestandteil der Deutschen Nationalbibliothek. Er ist alle dennen gewidmet, die an die wahre Liebe glauben oder glauben mchten.

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