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Comment from: chardin77
Text:
Hi Jasmin,
Your poem is interesting in style, but a bit difficult to read because of the large interspaces between the lines. For myself it would be much easier to read if you set punctuations to show where one thing ends and the next begins. Then there are some little mistakes "you and does" that doesn't work. It must be "do". "breathe" instead of "breath" 'cause you mention it as a verb not a noun. I stumbled across "rime", too. But it's okay to write it this way, it's the linguistic form for "rhyme". The stanza are not always in agreement with the content. Maybe you can give it a try to make a break when there is a break in the content, too. That would be much easier for the reader to understand. But definitely a nice poem.
Best, Claudio
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